Well, my the Thanksgiving break was short-lived. No sooner had I finished off about 45 pounds of Thanksgiving turkey when I found myself smack-dab in the middle of mid-term season. For many of us, this means logging in hundreds of hours in the super-quiet room in the Library or in Kelley’s good old 24-hour computer lab, for others, it means memorizing stuff to the point that you forget where you are, who you are, and how the hell you got yourself into this nonsense in the first place. For still others, such as myself, the massive amount of work piled in front of us means fretting about it constantly, while simultaneously ignoring it completely. Yes, procrastination is upon us. This made for an incredibly unproductive weekend for me, with the days broken up by random 3-hour naps in the middle of the afternoon, constant web-surfing through emails and blogs and Facebook, not to mention endless searches for obscure and useless information that has nothing to do with anything. It got so bad at one point that I resorted to cleaning the house, at which point I dug out an old juicer that Mom and Dad had bought during a mid-eighties health craze, and started making juice out of all the fruit in the refrigerator. Needless to say, I am pretty much screwed, and yet, instead of doing actual work, here I am writing a damn rant.
Liberal leadership contender Michael Ignatieff got into a bit of hot water last week when he stated that Israel had committed war crimes during the Hezbollah-Israeli war this past July. There was an uproar following these comment, prompting a former co-chair of his campaign and Liberal MP Irwin Cotler’s wife to withdraw support. Prime Minister Stephen Harper weighed in on the debate as well, accusing all the Liberal leadership candidates as being ‘anti-Israeli’ and shaming them for not standing up for the Jewish community (which is really smart, seeing as Bob Rae’s wife and kids are Jewish). Jewish groups from across the country also expressed outrage at Ignatieff’s comments. Why? First of all, we’re talking about Israel here, a nation-state, not a religion. It is an undisputable fact that during the war Israel used cluster bombs and destroyed electrical, water, and sewage plants, as well as Beirut International Airport, thus making civilian evacuation extremely difficult. Under the Geneva Conventions, these could all be considered war crimes.
Now I wouldn’t even try to suggest that Hezbollah is not responsible for war crimes, indeed as a terrorist organization, they are engaged almost exclusively in illegal activity, but this in no way exonerates Israel. The Israeli attack was responsible for the deaths of many Lebanese civilians and for the destruction of non-military infrastructure, including schools and hospitals. I don’t have a problem with people trying to dispute these facts, they certainly have that right, but I definitely have a problem with the suggestion that anyone who questions Israel is somehow anti-Israeli or anti-Semitic. It pisses me off when the popular media implies that suggesting any wrong-doing on the part of Israel is somehow taboo or racist. This is endemic of the past decade, and especially in the period since September 11th, in which our society has begun to accept the destruction of non-military infrastructure and civilian lives in foreign wars simply if we feel that the attacker has “a good reason.” That’s bullshit. The Geneva Convention was put in place for a reason; so that the rules of war would apply to everyone. A war crime is a war crime no matter who you’re fighting, what colour your skin is, or what religion you are. They are war crimes because they recklessly and needlessly endanger the lives of innocent civilians and non-combatants, and in this regard there are no ‘if,’ ‘ands,’ or ‘buts’ about it. We need to start rationally considering the laws of war, rather than using real or apprehended threats as justification for writing blank cheques to political leaders so they can wage war and wreak destruction without recourse or criticism.
On an unrelated note, if Weapons of Mass Destruction were reason enough to invade Iraq, then why the hell isn’t the US headed to North Korea? I mean, you wouldn’t even search through caves and shit, they march their WMDs right down Main Street, Pyongyang. Just a thought.
So, I got stuck in a car that had Magic 93 on the radio during the Top 9 @ 9 last week, and I am getting pretty worried about music these days. I figured I’d try to make the best out of a bad situation and give the countdown a chance, seeing as I hadn’t heard in about 5 years. So, song number three was announced, and this random song comes on about sleep and psychosis and cockroaches laying dreams in some guys brain. Of all the crap that’s out there, THIS is number 3?!? I have no idea what the name of the song is and who sings it, but holy crap it was terrible. And I mean I’ve heard some pretty bad songs on Magic over the years; Blue, Tub-thumping, Don’t Cha, Sexy Back, but for the love of everything sacred, is the whole industry going to shit?
I thought we had done pretty well making it through the bubblegum pop nonsense of the late 90s and the brief Latin craze, all but this emo-screamo-faux-urban-grunge -think-you’re-profound-because-you-talk-about-suicide bullshit is ridiculous. Who the hell are these people? And I don’t know why these bands think that if they swear and wear eye shadow and get tattoos that they’re all suddenly become legit musicians. More baffling is why the hell all the 13-year-old prostitots accept their allusions of grandeur as “good music”. Some band named ‘Dead Celebrity Status’ was recently quoted as saying: “Music is blood, blood is oxygen, breathe it in.” What the hell is that supposed to mean? Sure, we could consider music essential and metaphorically refer to it as either oxygen or blood, but using both in hopes of sounding hardcore, also renders this analogy flawed, redundant AND incredibly stupid. Of course some 13-year-old boy going through some puberty rebellion is going to be like “Shit yeah! They talk about blood, they’re awesome!” No, they’re not. They’re just dumb asses.
And who the hell are these ‘Panic! At the Disco’ morons? I’ll tell you who they are, they’re a bunch of damn kids who were born between 1985 and 1987 and have therefore never been to a damn disco and wouldn’t even know what a roller rink is for frig’s sake. These geniuses have managed to write a few clever little ditties however, like: ‘Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off’ and ‘The Only Difference Between Martyrdom And Suicide Is Press Coverage.’ Brilliant. A thousand monkeys typing on type-writers for 4 billion years couldn’t come up with such bullshit. Their lyrics are equally ridiculous: ‘“What a beautiful wedding!” says a bridesmaid to a waiter. “And yes, but what a shame, the poor groom's bride is a whore.”’ Awesome. Good Charlotte is still impressive with their skillfully written lyrics: “Motivate me, I wanna get myself out of this bed.” Lofty goals boys, lofty goals. And Mario continues to swoon the ladies with his love ballads: “C'mon and braid my hair, back in my hood” and “Where did you come from, I wanna thank your Moms for bringin' you into this life, and makin’ you my type.” Wow. What depth of character. Idiots. Oh, for all you skank-a-trons out there, the Pussycat Dolls are looking for a new lead singer. Apparently lead vocalist Nicole Elikolani Prescovia Scherzinger wants to go solo. Wonderful. I cannot wait.
And finally, don’t drink the water or make out with randoms at Mount A or St.FX. The Norwalk virus has rendered hundreds of students at these campuses as useless as, well, they’ve always been kind of useless. It kind of makes up for all the snobbish uppity-bitch comments about UPEI that I’ve heard from Mt.A and St.FX jerks over the past few years, like “At least we go to a real school.” Yeah well, at least we know how to wash our hands and shower now and then. I think it was all summed up fairly well when one of my friends at Mt.A said last week: “It’s really bad because everyone’s touching everyone.” Indeed. ‘Welcome to Mount A: Everyone’s touching everyone.’ Wonderful.
Have a good one!
Monday, October 23, 2006
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
...And now for something completely different: The Rants of a University Student (#41)
You wouldn’t normally think of a Pub Crawl as an educational experience, unless of course you’re doing research on how many juggidy-jugs you can drink before you pass-out on the floor of some random bathroom or about how much force is needed to jump through a plate glass window at the legion. The Big Ass Pub Crawl however, taught me a few things about the downtown night life that I wasn’t aware of before. See, I come from a time when downtown used to be the place to be, a time when people actually went to Myron’s. No seriously, people would actually pay to get into Moron’s, and on their own free will at that! You younger students probably think I’m crazy, but it’s the truth.
Anyways, the Kent Street I encountered the night of the Pub Crawl was much different from the one I remember. I first noticed that, a) Kent Street is pretty damn sketchy. Random fights were breaking out here and there and there were some pretty some shady characters roaming around, not to mention a few too many prostitots to be out that time of the night. Of course back in the day Kent Street saw its share of rowdiness too, as, every now and then, the crowds from Moron’s, Melon’s, and Breaker’s would converge on Kent, along with a small fleet of cabs, 10 or 12 City Police vehicles and a couple RCMP cruisers shuttling patron after patron off to Sleepy Hollow. You didn’t, however, have to fear for your life, unless, of course, you had hit on some random girlfriend of a guy hopped up on E. Need more proof that Kent is becoming increasingly ridiculous? 3 words: Myron’s Chem-Free. Sketch. b) Source Security is absolutely and utterly useless. I came out of a bar that night to see some guy getting his head bashed in, and not like a few love-taps to the face, this was hospital-trip-in-an-ambulance kind of bashed in, and all the while some Source Security guard watched on from about, oh, 6 feet away. Not 3 minutes later me and another guy had to break up two other guys in the exact same place. Now, in case you’ve never seen me before, I am not exactly what you’d call the most buff guy on campus, and though I went to school in the Crick for 9 years, I am definitely not qualified to break up two drunken idiots arguing over some bar star or cigarettes or whatever. We intervened because these two guys were about to rip each other apart, and we were slightly concerned, which is more than I can say for Mr. Shit-for-brains security dude. Finally, c) The Dining Room of Piazza Joe’s is a ridiculous place to host a dance party. Call me crazy, but a place with slippery wet floors, broken beer bottles and a massive head-bashable fountain right in the centre of the room is not the best place on earth to have a couple hundred very drunk and very stumbly students rocking out. As a side-note, girls, please start wearing more practical footwear. I know you think the heels and the hours of pain are worth it to look a little bit taller, but honestly, I don’t think you’re really fooling anyone. “Hey look Ted, Mary grew 3 inches since yesterday.” “Wow, she is so hot now.” Here’s a little test, if the shoes are so uncomfortable that you have to take them off before the end of the night to walk home barefoot, or worse, around the glass-covered dance floor then those shoes are very very stupid. Go get your money back.
The Guardian reported last week that as a result of the collapse of a 35 or so year-old overpass in Laval, Québec last week, PEI’s Department of Transportation and Public Works has sprung into action, inspecting all 4 overpasses on PEI. Yep. All 4 of them. Thankfully each structure was given the stringent “two-tier” on-site inspection. The first test is a visual test, which consists of some guy looking at the overpass and noting if there are any “sagging beams or missing parts.” Missing parts eh? “Hmmm. This one seems to be missing a 7-tonne pillar. I wonder where that got off to now?” I was told that the second part of the test is an auditory test. Yes, and auditory test on an immovable structure made of tons of concrete. Wonderful. Why the hell does The Guardian feel it necessary to make Islanders look like the biggest morons on the face of the earth. Also last week, instead of using the front page to report on actual news, like Canadians in Afghanistan or North Korea’s nuclear testing, they had a story about some poet writing a poem about this lady peeling carrots somewhere up west. Honestly, what the hell is wrong with them?
Last week the U.S. House of Representatives was advised to invest in some new Coast Guard vessels for the Arctic, prompted by reports from scientists who suggested that global warming could result in a completely ice-free Arctic passage within decades. “We must conduct surveys of our nation's extended continental shelf in order to support our claims of sovereignty.” said advisor Mead Treadwell. Does no one else see anything wrong with this? So the Americans want to exert their control and sovereignty and superiority and yeah, blah blah blah. Same old. But the North-West passage may be ice-free within a matter of decades? Um. I think we should maybe get some priorities figured out here. Instead of working to combat global warming and the catastrophic results of having the Arctic ice melting, we’re going to buy a couple boats so we can sail around up there when it’s all thawed out? Brilliant.
In other news, in response to the tens of thousands of terrorists that row across Lake Superior to get into the US every year, the US Coast Guard has begun to patrol the Great Lakes on boats with mounted .30-calibre machine guns. This would be funny if it weren’t so sad. Everyone realizes the gravity of 9-11 and its fallout, but this is a bit of an illogical over-reaction. As an old proverb puts it: “Why are you out on your lawn wildly waving your arms?” “I’m keeping away all the tigers.” “There aren’t any tigers around here.” “See how well it works!?”
Finally, I would like to apologize for my previous rant in which I criticized the extravagant spending on the redesign of Peter Pan Corner. I had stated that I thought the $3.5 million was a bit excessive, but see, I didn’t realize that by “fix Peter Pan Corner” they actually meant “rip up everything within a 5-mile radius” and “push mud around randomly for a few weeks.” My bad.
Anyways, the Kent Street I encountered the night of the Pub Crawl was much different from the one I remember. I first noticed that, a) Kent Street is pretty damn sketchy. Random fights were breaking out here and there and there were some pretty some shady characters roaming around, not to mention a few too many prostitots to be out that time of the night. Of course back in the day Kent Street saw its share of rowdiness too, as, every now and then, the crowds from Moron’s, Melon’s, and Breaker’s would converge on Kent, along with a small fleet of cabs, 10 or 12 City Police vehicles and a couple RCMP cruisers shuttling patron after patron off to Sleepy Hollow. You didn’t, however, have to fear for your life, unless, of course, you had hit on some random girlfriend of a guy hopped up on E. Need more proof that Kent is becoming increasingly ridiculous? 3 words: Myron’s Chem-Free. Sketch. b) Source Security is absolutely and utterly useless. I came out of a bar that night to see some guy getting his head bashed in, and not like a few love-taps to the face, this was hospital-trip-in-an-ambulance kind of bashed in, and all the while some Source Security guard watched on from about, oh, 6 feet away. Not 3 minutes later me and another guy had to break up two other guys in the exact same place. Now, in case you’ve never seen me before, I am not exactly what you’d call the most buff guy on campus, and though I went to school in the Crick for 9 years, I am definitely not qualified to break up two drunken idiots arguing over some bar star or cigarettes or whatever. We intervened because these two guys were about to rip each other apart, and we were slightly concerned, which is more than I can say for Mr. Shit-for-brains security dude. Finally, c) The Dining Room of Piazza Joe’s is a ridiculous place to host a dance party. Call me crazy, but a place with slippery wet floors, broken beer bottles and a massive head-bashable fountain right in the centre of the room is not the best place on earth to have a couple hundred very drunk and very stumbly students rocking out. As a side-note, girls, please start wearing more practical footwear. I know you think the heels and the hours of pain are worth it to look a little bit taller, but honestly, I don’t think you’re really fooling anyone. “Hey look Ted, Mary grew 3 inches since yesterday.” “Wow, she is so hot now.” Here’s a little test, if the shoes are so uncomfortable that you have to take them off before the end of the night to walk home barefoot, or worse, around the glass-covered dance floor then those shoes are very very stupid. Go get your money back.
The Guardian reported last week that as a result of the collapse of a 35 or so year-old overpass in Laval, Québec last week, PEI’s Department of Transportation and Public Works has sprung into action, inspecting all 4 overpasses on PEI. Yep. All 4 of them. Thankfully each structure was given the stringent “two-tier” on-site inspection. The first test is a visual test, which consists of some guy looking at the overpass and noting if there are any “sagging beams or missing parts.” Missing parts eh? “Hmmm. This one seems to be missing a 7-tonne pillar. I wonder where that got off to now?” I was told that the second part of the test is an auditory test. Yes, and auditory test on an immovable structure made of tons of concrete. Wonderful. Why the hell does The Guardian feel it necessary to make Islanders look like the biggest morons on the face of the earth. Also last week, instead of using the front page to report on actual news, like Canadians in Afghanistan or North Korea’s nuclear testing, they had a story about some poet writing a poem about this lady peeling carrots somewhere up west. Honestly, what the hell is wrong with them?
Last week the U.S. House of Representatives was advised to invest in some new Coast Guard vessels for the Arctic, prompted by reports from scientists who suggested that global warming could result in a completely ice-free Arctic passage within decades. “We must conduct surveys of our nation's extended continental shelf in order to support our claims of sovereignty.” said advisor Mead Treadwell. Does no one else see anything wrong with this? So the Americans want to exert their control and sovereignty and superiority and yeah, blah blah blah. Same old. But the North-West passage may be ice-free within a matter of decades? Um. I think we should maybe get some priorities figured out here. Instead of working to combat global warming and the catastrophic results of having the Arctic ice melting, we’re going to buy a couple boats so we can sail around up there when it’s all thawed out? Brilliant.
In other news, in response to the tens of thousands of terrorists that row across Lake Superior to get into the US every year, the US Coast Guard has begun to patrol the Great Lakes on boats with mounted .30-calibre machine guns. This would be funny if it weren’t so sad. Everyone realizes the gravity of 9-11 and its fallout, but this is a bit of an illogical over-reaction. As an old proverb puts it: “Why are you out on your lawn wildly waving your arms?” “I’m keeping away all the tigers.” “There aren’t any tigers around here.” “See how well it works!?”
Finally, I would like to apologize for my previous rant in which I criticized the extravagant spending on the redesign of Peter Pan Corner. I had stated that I thought the $3.5 million was a bit excessive, but see, I didn’t realize that by “fix Peter Pan Corner” they actually meant “rip up everything within a 5-mile radius” and “push mud around randomly for a few weeks.” My bad.
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