Well student loans are back in season and once again and university students are being told, among other things, that they make way too much money. Riiight. Tuition has quadrupled in the last decade and students are trying to get more money to pay for it? Damned students. Yes, you’re right, we students are dirty little monsters hoarding our piles of part-time employment money under our beds while we throw away their precious loans on any filthy pleasure that strikes our fancy, like food. God forbid. Since when is living near the poverty line “too much money?”
The seemingly impossible occurred this past week when UPEI Administration decided to cancel classes at UPEI first thing in the morning. Weird. It is usually customary to wait until everyone is at school already, and THEN cancel classes so that students will be able to experience driving in the worst possible conditions. There is a rumour on campus that in the event of the impending apocalypse, the cancellation announcements on Magic 93 would sound something like this: Paul Allen: (in his infinite wisdom) “The world has come to and end…Classes will continue as scheduled at UPEI.”
I was shocked to hear, that last week, for the first time in human history, that the Eastern School District was closed for the day while the Western District remained open. Back in my day I recall trudging through driving snow, following behind ploughs, even having the bus ditched once or twice, but we never just up and cancelled school for no damn reason. Meanwhile, over in the Western District, anything more than a slight breeze blowing the Canadian flag above TOSH would incite the declaration of a disaster area and close the entire Western District for days on end. Times have changed I guess. Take THAT Westisle. Punks.
Once again the British Royal family has shown that they are way ahead of the intellectual curve, as Prince Harry decided it would be a fantastic idea to dress up as a Nazi for a costume party. Good one Harry. Pursuant to his actions, the European Union is now considering banning Nazi symbols. What? Already? You think you’d give them a chance to redeem themselves. Or, and this is just a suggestion here, maybe they could’ve banned them back when the Nazis were tearing across Europe and systematically murdering 8 million people. But I mean, come on, that was 60 years ago right? I guess Prince Harry thinks we should just get over it already. Dumbass.
Well those in the upper echelons of the Bush administration celebrated their extended four years in the White House last week, re-iterating their lofty ideals of world peace and democracy by announcing that “America stands with the oppressed people on every continent, in Cuba and Burma and North Korea and Iran, and Zimbabwe.” Although Bush mentioned ‘every continent’ it is yet unclear what oppressed people he was talking about in North America. It is assumed he was not referring to the poverty stricken and destitute Americans who are still suffering from his first term in office. In his speech during his $40 million inauguration last Thursday, he also stated that “All those who live in tyranny and hopelessness can know: The United States will not ignore your oppression, or excuse your oppressors. When you stand for liberty, we stand with you.” Given the deaths of 100,000 Iraqi civilians since the beginning of “Operation Enduring Freedom,” the “oppressed” of the world are beginning to wonder if they really want the Americans standing with them. Never before has freedom been so aggressively forced on the “unfree” of the world.
Finally, Charlottetown City Council passed a resolution last week stating that the NHL and the NHLPA should get back to the bargaining table to resolve the current lockout. Oh no! Not the incredible power of the Charlottetown City Council! I can just imagine the meetings called after word reached both sides of the disputing factions, with Gary Bettman and Bob Goodenow wringing their hands in despair. “Oh no! We’ve pissed off Charlottetown,” and “Seeing as Charlottetown City Council has so much bearing on world events we’d better do what they say!” What can only be assumed to be a direct result of the Council meeting, negotiations re-opened soon after. Following this success, Charlottetown City Council now intends to tackle the issues of global terrorism and nuclear arms proliferation.
Have a good one!
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
...And now for something completely different: The Rants of a University Student (#18)
So I think I’ve had just about as much as I can stand of people I don’t know and relatives I’ve never seen pretending that they care what is going on in my life. "How’s school going?" "Was Santa good to you?" Who the hell cares? Obviously you don’t know enough about me to formulate a half-sensible question, so don’t think I’ll be offended if you spare me your stupid-ass and redundant questions. Frig.
Well, the Russians certainly had their asses handed to them last week as Canada decimated those communist show-boaters in the final game of the IIHF World Junior Championships. Canada once again showed that while we may suck at a lot of other stuff (i.e. NBA basketball, running a military, Celine Dion, etc.), that we are still the world super-power when it comes to hockey. Canada dominated the opposition throughout the tournament out-scoring them 41-7 and capped the final game by demoralizing the Russians 6-1, winning for Canada its first World Juniors title in 8 years. "Eight years?" you say. "That doesn’t seem like much of a super-power to me." Well that may be true, if Canada did not also hold the Olympic, World Cup and World Champion titles now as well.
It was announced this past month that Tom Ridge, the first ever director of the Department of Homeland Security in the US, will be stepping down rather than sticking around for another kick at the can with the administration of Bush n’ friends. It has been said that Ridge’s most decisive accomplishment in the 3 years since he took the position was creating the Homeland Security Advisory System, a system that indicates, based on intelligence, what the level of threat is of a terrorist attack in the US. Wow. Good job Tommy! You may as well retire, few get to savour the glory of creating a national colour-coding scheme. And apparently it works. Not one foreign-sponsored terrorist attack has taken place on US soil since he took over the DHS. This could mean one of three things, 1) The "Elevated" (or "Yellow") level of Ridge’s precious scale means squat, 2) assigning pretty colours according to threat levels can truly unite the US, in fear if nothing else, or 3) bombing 3rd world countries into the Stone Age works.
Anne McRae showed up her counterpart Paul Allen last month by proving that he was not the only dumb ass on island radio. I swear, I could not make this up: "The temperature was minus 7 degrees this morning but has now apparently gone up...to minus 8." Niiice.
Alright, so 9/10ths of the people that live on this island are totally insane. I mean, driving around town on a regular day is bad enough with the lack of signal use, with seniors driving Queen Vics at .2 kph and high school punks revving souped-up Civics and Neons up and down the Ave. But try dumping 50+ cm. in the middle of Boxing Day and you’ll find the true meaning of semi-demonic morons. Inside the stores it went from bad to worse, and the peace and joy and love that people were preaching only the day before seemed to somehow get lost as they beat each other senseless with boxes to save 10% on wrapping paper and toaster ovens.
Well, in the midst of the recovery effort following the tsunami in Asia on December 26th, the world showed an out-pouring of support for the victims of the disaster, sending money and aid to the region by the billions. By last week foreign aid workers were scrounging the rubble, manning field hospitals and helping in any way they could in the stricken regions. I certainly salute the grand gestures of the western world over the past few weeks, but it also makes me wonder, where the hell do we go when the disaster’s over? Seriously, when CNN shuts off its cameras, how long will it take for us to stop caring? Last Friday, as the death toll in Asia was rising above 150,000, already notable news organizations...and the Guardian, were already turning to "more pressing" local issues. The front page Guardian, instead of pursuing the "old news" story of killer tsunamis, chose some guy in the Crick whose shed moved in a tidal surge and a picture of two guys in Stratford spraying hose water erratically on some outdoor rink. I mean come on, sure its hard to stay focussed on a disaster thousands of miles away when we could just as easily turn the page or switch the channel to Survivor, but this is a reality that millions of people live every day. I have heard many questions over the past week, "How can our government find $80 million to send to them when we have problems here?" "Why didn’t Asia just build a warning system?" It is an insult to compare shortfalls in healthcare or issues such as high tuition to the day-to-day lives of these people. And you’re saying, "Yeah, here goes Ryan again, that commie bleeding-heart liberal." But I am not just talking about the pain in Asia. I am talking about the people who lived in huts on those beaches before the waves hit. The people who weren’t even affected by the tsunami, and still have nothing. The millions of people in Africa who have died of AIDS, the thousands of people who will die today, who will die tomorrow and the next day of starvation and disease. What about Rwanda or Somalia? What about Sudan, where thousands have died in the past few months? How many people remember the earthquake in Bam, Iran in 2003 that killed 40,000 people? Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking the relief effort in Asia, nor would I trivialize an event as significant as September 11th, but thousands of people die needlessly every day. The out-pouring of aid in times of disaster seem oft more aimed at settling our guilt than actually fixing the problem. Getting off our asses to donate once every few years may placate out diluted conscience, but it doesn’t feed the hungry nor save the dying.
Well, the Russians certainly had their asses handed to them last week as Canada decimated those communist show-boaters in the final game of the IIHF World Junior Championships. Canada once again showed that while we may suck at a lot of other stuff (i.e. NBA basketball, running a military, Celine Dion, etc.), that we are still the world super-power when it comes to hockey. Canada dominated the opposition throughout the tournament out-scoring them 41-7 and capped the final game by demoralizing the Russians 6-1, winning for Canada its first World Juniors title in 8 years. "Eight years?" you say. "That doesn’t seem like much of a super-power to me." Well that may be true, if Canada did not also hold the Olympic, World Cup and World Champion titles now as well.
It was announced this past month that Tom Ridge, the first ever director of the Department of Homeland Security in the US, will be stepping down rather than sticking around for another kick at the can with the administration of Bush n’ friends. It has been said that Ridge’s most decisive accomplishment in the 3 years since he took the position was creating the Homeland Security Advisory System, a system that indicates, based on intelligence, what the level of threat is of a terrorist attack in the US. Wow. Good job Tommy! You may as well retire, few get to savour the glory of creating a national colour-coding scheme. And apparently it works. Not one foreign-sponsored terrorist attack has taken place on US soil since he took over the DHS. This could mean one of three things, 1) The "Elevated" (or "Yellow") level of Ridge’s precious scale means squat, 2) assigning pretty colours according to threat levels can truly unite the US, in fear if nothing else, or 3) bombing 3rd world countries into the Stone Age works.
Anne McRae showed up her counterpart Paul Allen last month by proving that he was not the only dumb ass on island radio. I swear, I could not make this up: "The temperature was minus 7 degrees this morning but has now apparently gone up...to minus 8." Niiice.
Alright, so 9/10ths of the people that live on this island are totally insane. I mean, driving around town on a regular day is bad enough with the lack of signal use, with seniors driving Queen Vics at .2 kph and high school punks revving souped-up Civics and Neons up and down the Ave. But try dumping 50+ cm. in the middle of Boxing Day and you’ll find the true meaning of semi-demonic morons. Inside the stores it went from bad to worse, and the peace and joy and love that people were preaching only the day before seemed to somehow get lost as they beat each other senseless with boxes to save 10% on wrapping paper and toaster ovens.
Well, in the midst of the recovery effort following the tsunami in Asia on December 26th, the world showed an out-pouring of support for the victims of the disaster, sending money and aid to the region by the billions. By last week foreign aid workers were scrounging the rubble, manning field hospitals and helping in any way they could in the stricken regions. I certainly salute the grand gestures of the western world over the past few weeks, but it also makes me wonder, where the hell do we go when the disaster’s over? Seriously, when CNN shuts off its cameras, how long will it take for us to stop caring? Last Friday, as the death toll in Asia was rising above 150,000, already notable news organizations...and the Guardian, were already turning to "more pressing" local issues. The front page Guardian, instead of pursuing the "old news" story of killer tsunamis, chose some guy in the Crick whose shed moved in a tidal surge and a picture of two guys in Stratford spraying hose water erratically on some outdoor rink. I mean come on, sure its hard to stay focussed on a disaster thousands of miles away when we could just as easily turn the page or switch the channel to Survivor, but this is a reality that millions of people live every day. I have heard many questions over the past week, "How can our government find $80 million to send to them when we have problems here?" "Why didn’t Asia just build a warning system?" It is an insult to compare shortfalls in healthcare or issues such as high tuition to the day-to-day lives of these people. And you’re saying, "Yeah, here goes Ryan again, that commie bleeding-heart liberal." But I am not just talking about the pain in Asia. I am talking about the people who lived in huts on those beaches before the waves hit. The people who weren’t even affected by the tsunami, and still have nothing. The millions of people in Africa who have died of AIDS, the thousands of people who will die today, who will die tomorrow and the next day of starvation and disease. What about Rwanda or Somalia? What about Sudan, where thousands have died in the past few months? How many people remember the earthquake in Bam, Iran in 2003 that killed 40,000 people? Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking the relief effort in Asia, nor would I trivialize an event as significant as September 11th, but thousands of people die needlessly every day. The out-pouring of aid in times of disaster seem oft more aimed at settling our guilt than actually fixing the problem. Getting off our asses to donate once every few years may placate out diluted conscience, but it doesn’t feed the hungry nor save the dying.
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