An era came to an end on September 25th when Subway Restaurants finished phasing out their stamp coupons. Now, instead of stamps, in return for enduring the long line, paying for obscenely expensive subs and reeking of Subway for the rest of the day you get...nothing. No free cookies on Friday, no super value meal on Wednesday. Personally, I’ve been pissed at Subway since they switched from Pepsi to Coke, but really, this is ridiculous. Eat Fresh? Kiss my ass Jared.
Relief came on international front last week as Canada and Denmark agreed to sit down and talk about who possesses sovereignty over Hans Island in the Arctic. Tempers had been rising in both countries since Canada’s Defence Minister Bill Graham landed on the disputed island in July with Canadian Forces troops to plant a Canadian flag. In retaliation the Danes sent a warship to sail around the island for awhile and to erect a Danish flag on the island. “We put one up before but it blew down.” was their reasoning. World leaders were shocked and the US Military reportedly went to DEFCON 5 when they heard that the great military powers of Canada and Denmark were having a dispute, especially after hearing that at least two Canadian submarines were almost operational. “Thank God that’s over.” Was reportedly the reaction of Saddam Hussein from his jail cell upon hearing the news. Hans Island, by the way, is 1.3 square kilometres and is entirely uninhabited. Oh yeah. And the North Koreans are giving up their nuclear weapons program. Riiight.
Elections were held for the German Bundestag last Sunday, and no one seems to know who won. Both leading parties were considerably shy of the 307 needed for a majority. Negotiations have been on-going with other parties in attempts of establishing some sort of governing coalition, but the two major party leaders have going postal on each other all week, everyone refuses to even talk to the Left Party (successor of the old East German Communists), and one of the coalitions has been dubbed “The Jamaican Coalition.” Oh those crazy Germans. They’re not that good at this democracy stuff. Or at taking over the world.
Residents of Newark, New Jersey became mildly concerned last week when it was reported that three mice infected with the Bubonic Plague had gone missing from a University of Medicine and Dentistry laboratory, prompting University Officials to spring into action and do...absolutely nothing. According to them the mice posed a “scant” threat to the general public and besides, since they had already been missing for about two weeks, they were “probably already dead anyway.” Now, I have a great respect for the research community, don’t get me wrong. But in my opinion, it’s pretty stupid to handle test subjects so haphazardly that they go missing for two weeks without you noticing, especially when these subjects happen to be infected with the BUBONIC PLAGUE. Yeah, it only killed like 137 million people back in the day. No worries. Morons.
Speaking of incompetence, the Charlottetown Police asked the public to be on the lookout last week after a 12-gauge camouflaged shotgun went missing from the gun cabinet at the Charlottetown Canadian Tire. When? “Oh, sometime between the 10th and the 19th.” (Apparently Canadian Tire does not have the best shoplifting detection system). According to a report in the always non-biased and über-professional Guardian, there are only two people in the entire store that had access to the cabinet. Do you think these two people should be possible suspects? Of course not. “I think they just noticed it was missing.” Constable Gary Clow was quoted as saying. Hey went on to ask the public to keep an eye out for the gun. Thanks Gary. And sure, I’ll get right out there on the street tonight and do you job for you. Jerks.
Have a good one!
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
...And now for something completely different: The Rants of a University Student (#27)
Yes, its that time of year again. Time for tuition fees, student fees, sports fees, parking fees, admin fees, and residence fees. Time for new roommates, new friends, new classes, new profs and new things to piss you off. Time for togas and 2-4s and a good drink-on to forget about all the money and time that you don’t have. And of course, time for reading my column in The Cadre and then sending me e-mails about how much you hate me and my stupid opinions.
Well the geniuses in the email protest community have done it again. September 1st was deemed as "Stick it to Them" Day, which was, as I was told in about 3,086 e-mails, aimed at getting everyone to stop buying gas for a day, the theory being that if no one bought gas for an entire day, the big oil companies would freak out, collapse under pressure, and be forced to drop oil prices. Despite the fact that this scheme is fundamentally flawed, substantially delusional and that the people who conceived it are evidently complete idiots, the protest went off without a hitch. That is of course except the small fact that gas prices went up 36 cents that day. Wow, what awesome power those fearless email vigilantes wield. Morons.
It seems the NHL and the NHLPA finally got their asses in gear, signing a CBA after their bickering led to the cancellation of the 2004-05 NHL Season. Following the ratification of the agreement, teams around the NHL scrambled to sign new players from the massive pool of unrestricted free agents. Pittsburgh signed John LeClair, Mario Lemieux, Zigmund Palffy, Sidney Crosby and Sergei Gonchar, Edmonton signed Mike Peca and Chris Pronger, and Atlanta signed Bobby Holik, Marian Hossa and Greg de Vries. Meanwhile, continuing in their tradition of being very well-intentioned, yet also very stupid, the Toronto Maple Leafs signed Eric "Concussion" Lindros, who is about a headache and a half away from eating through a straw and Aki "The Pylon" Berg. Oh wait, this just in. Toronto has just signed Mariusz Czerkawski. Great. Whoever the hell that is.
On a brighter note, another one of our Canadian teams has had considerable success with signings in the off-season. The Ottawa Senators, have been able to sign Dany Heatley, the young phenom from Atlanta and have replaced Patrick "The Choker" Lalime with Dominik "The Dominator" Hasek, the only drawback of this, being, of course, that everyone hates the Ottawa Senators.
An era ended last week as Rainbow Valley closed its doors forever. There was extensive uproar from the public about turning the forty-acre park into nature trails for the National Park, but for me the closure is a more positive move. I was always kind of weirded out by The Witch’s Cave and the whiplash-inducing Bushwacker. And what the hell was up with that weird-looking robot fisherman from the "Dark Ride"? (Original name by the way). I will, however, miss harassing Mrs. Owl and asking why she already had a baby at the age of 14, or being yelled at by Rainbow Valley staff telling us we’re not supposed to get of the boats and walk around on the islands in the pond. Oh the joys of being a delinquent pubescent boy let loose at Rainbow Valley.
So, once again, welcome back to another (or perhaps first) year at the U of PEI. A particular welcome back to the worst-maintained, yet most-spirited building on campus. Yes, Marion Hall, who we had all thought had seen its last days as a residence, has proved us all wrong, and, back from the dead, will carry on the tradition of holding some of the loudest and most random parties this side of Tignish.
And so, as the year goes on, remember to work hard, and to have fun; to embrace the good times, learn from the bad, and whenever possible, to raise a glass in celebration of another semester in the company of friends.
Have a good one!
Well the geniuses in the email protest community have done it again. September 1st was deemed as "Stick it to Them" Day, which was, as I was told in about 3,086 e-mails, aimed at getting everyone to stop buying gas for a day, the theory being that if no one bought gas for an entire day, the big oil companies would freak out, collapse under pressure, and be forced to drop oil prices. Despite the fact that this scheme is fundamentally flawed, substantially delusional and that the people who conceived it are evidently complete idiots, the protest went off without a hitch. That is of course except the small fact that gas prices went up 36 cents that day. Wow, what awesome power those fearless email vigilantes wield. Morons.
It seems the NHL and the NHLPA finally got their asses in gear, signing a CBA after their bickering led to the cancellation of the 2004-05 NHL Season. Following the ratification of the agreement, teams around the NHL scrambled to sign new players from the massive pool of unrestricted free agents. Pittsburgh signed John LeClair, Mario Lemieux, Zigmund Palffy, Sidney Crosby and Sergei Gonchar, Edmonton signed Mike Peca and Chris Pronger, and Atlanta signed Bobby Holik, Marian Hossa and Greg de Vries. Meanwhile, continuing in their tradition of being very well-intentioned, yet also very stupid, the Toronto Maple Leafs signed Eric "Concussion" Lindros, who is about a headache and a half away from eating through a straw and Aki "The Pylon" Berg. Oh wait, this just in. Toronto has just signed Mariusz Czerkawski. Great. Whoever the hell that is.
On a brighter note, another one of our Canadian teams has had considerable success with signings in the off-season. The Ottawa Senators, have been able to sign Dany Heatley, the young phenom from Atlanta and have replaced Patrick "The Choker" Lalime with Dominik "The Dominator" Hasek, the only drawback of this, being, of course, that everyone hates the Ottawa Senators.
An era ended last week as Rainbow Valley closed its doors forever. There was extensive uproar from the public about turning the forty-acre park into nature trails for the National Park, but for me the closure is a more positive move. I was always kind of weirded out by The Witch’s Cave and the whiplash-inducing Bushwacker. And what the hell was up with that weird-looking robot fisherman from the "Dark Ride"? (Original name by the way). I will, however, miss harassing Mrs. Owl and asking why she already had a baby at the age of 14, or being yelled at by Rainbow Valley staff telling us we’re not supposed to get of the boats and walk around on the islands in the pond. Oh the joys of being a delinquent pubescent boy let loose at Rainbow Valley.
So, once again, welcome back to another (or perhaps first) year at the U of PEI. A particular welcome back to the worst-maintained, yet most-spirited building on campus. Yes, Marion Hall, who we had all thought had seen its last days as a residence, has proved us all wrong, and, back from the dead, will carry on the tradition of holding some of the loudest and most random parties this side of Tignish.
And so, as the year goes on, remember to work hard, and to have fun; to embrace the good times, learn from the bad, and whenever possible, to raise a glass in celebration of another semester in the company of friends.
Have a good one!
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