Well, it’s that time of year again. When the sight of snow turns the thoughts of young children to what they’ll be getting for Christmas (or Hannukah). When the smell of an evergreen tree reminds grandparents of holidays of old. When the crisp morning air is broken by students asking why the hell someone built a damn fence down the middle of campus. Ah yes, final exams and term paper time at UPEI a sure sign of the holiday season, when a young student’s fancy turns from booze to books, and from partying to considering calling up someone in Bulgaria to see how much it would cost to hire an old Soviet bomber to carpet-bomb the University ($964,000).
Who needs the NHL? Ron Artest showed last week that the NBA player can incite an impromptu riot just as well as any Tie Domi or Theo Fleury. Hell, he went one step further and took the fighting to the fans. You know, someone should’ve done that years ago. They’re paying big bucks for those games and Artest made them feel like part of the show. Bravo Ronny. A full-season suspension? Phht. Amateur. If he was Tie Domi he’d only get a game misconduct and a pay raise. If he was Kobe Bryant he’d get off scot-free.
Did anyone hear about the Halifax woman that flipped out after the snow storm a few weeks ago? She barged in at a news conference at the Legislative Buildings and went on for a good five minutes in front of the camera about how Nova Scotia power has no business letting the power go out for more than 24 hours and should make sure that towers don’t fall down during storms. You know what random crazy woman? You’re right. After all it’s their fault when we get hit with unseasonal storms with 50-odd centimetres of snow and a nice blast of wind. We may as well start firing road crews for letting snow fall on the road and arresting those stupid air traffic controllers for grounding flights when the wind is too strong. Assholes. Frig, while we’re at it, why not take Peter Coade and Boomer out back and shoot them. It’s all their fault anyway. It’s probably also their fault that you have six kids under the age of twelve and have to deal with them all day and that you didn’t get prepared when they called for the storm right? Listen lady, you live in Nova Scotia, snow falls, power goes out. Get a life.
Well, from what I have heard and seen over the past few weeks, apparently some people do not appreciate the "anti-Americanism" in my articles. Well that’s interesting, because I do not recall any anti-Americanism in any of my past articles. Come on now. I have never said anything that would suggest that Americans are bad people that would steal candy from children or kick adorable kittens or fly halfway around the world to bomb other countries...oh wait. Seriously though, I have never said that I hated the United States of America. In fact, my sister and her family live in the U.S. and I have no reason to believe that they are any less human than...um...Paul Allen.
Now what you may have read was something where I may have criticized the government of the United States, or took exception to the actions that the U.S. administration has taken in the past, oh, let’s say, four years. Although many of you may be unfamiliar with differing perspectives, or even unaware that they exist, these, may I point out, are not "anti-American" comments. They are simply an expression of my views dealing with the U.S. political system. As this is an editorial, I would assume, perhaps wrongly so, that the average reader would take my opinion with a grain of salt, and realize that perhaps I am not trying to be an objective reporter when I say things like: "[Bush is a] right-wing nutjob behind a hugeass nuclear arsenal," or when I jokingly suggest that he should eat more pretzels. It may surprise you, but I do not, in fact hate President Bush. In fact, I do not even know the man. I do, however, think he is the biggest moron to ever walk the face of the earth, let alone occupy the Oval Office. So no, I do not hate George W. Bush, and no, I do not hate the American people, but I do have concern for the political system in the United States, and believe it or not, being a Political Studies student, I am not just some idiot ranting my opinions by any means necessary. Ok, maybe I am, but that being said, this is a student media open to all student opinions and views. The fact that I choose to use it should neither make me the target of unbridled hate and criticism, nor should it discourage others from expressing themselves through their own submissions, opinionated or otherwise, to this paper.
Have a good one!
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Friday, November 19, 2004
...And now for something completely different: The Rants of a University Student (#16)
Well the shorts certainly came off Boomer in a hurry this week. Yes, the hellish winds of mid-fall have arrived and soon enough it will be minus 43 billion here on campus and our walk from class to class will once again become a death race between buildings. And Halifax was ripped apart by wind and 45 centimetres of snow on Sunday. Oh joy oh joy, oh bliss oh bliss.
But not all news is depressing here on P.E.I. Oh no, some of it is just downright stupid. Last week good old Binns decided to sue the federal government. Wonderful. Yeah I know, I was excited too, because we certainly have ample resources to waste on a lengthy legal battle with the federal government. Hey Binns! Were you not part of Mulroney’s federal government when they changed the law so that seiners could come that close anyway? Either way, regardless if you’re on the side of big business and the seiners or if you’re on the wharf getting your head bashed in by the Souris SWAT brigade, my guess is the herring will all be gone anyway by the time old Binnsy and the feds get their acts in gear anyway.
All points bulletin: a man robbed Swiss Chalet/Harvey’s last week with a knife. City Police have warned citizens to be on the look-out for the suspect. So head’s up everyone, we are looking for a man who was wearing “baggy pants with paint on them”. They could have been, and we don’t want to make any assumptions here, sweat pants. So you or anyone you know has pants that fit this description, contact Crime Stoppers immediately. Honestly, we know we don’t have the brightest cops on the block, but do they have to prove it every damn week? Paint covered sweat pants? Frig. A good 75% of my Dad’s clothing is covered in paint or dirt or grime of some kind. I mean I’ll ask him, but I’m pretty sure he didn’t hold up a restaurant last week.
On a list Popular Science released last week, it was stated that testing polluted water in Newfoundland’s St. John’s harbour is a bad job. No really? I love how scientists do these studies to tell us things like this. Newsflash! Drinking paint thinner can reduce brain cells. Attention! Shooting yourself in the head greatly reduces your life expectancy rate. They also rated the position of “Iraqi archaeologist” as one of the worst jobs in science. Idiots.
According to conflicting reports last week Yasser Arafat passed away, then lapsed in to a coma, made a full recovery and then died again. Officials do not now expect his condition to worsen. George W. Bush, in his typical statesman form, extended condolences to the Palestinian nation by telling the world that we are better off without him. Wow Dubya, I didn’t know you could be so sensitive. Sure, Arafat may have made some questionable moves and had some nasty habits, but it used to be you’d wait until the man was in the friggin ground before you start pissing on his grave.
Magic 93 has certainly classed up their prize give-aways. Where ordinary stations over across only give out like concert tickets or trips or something, now during Paul and Anne’s birthday trivia in the morning they give away, wait for it........silk scarves. Yes, I am not joking. Silk scarves. Is this supposed to make me want to stay tuned to listen to Clay Aiken all day? I mean unless I was Liberace (or I guess Clay Aiken), I see no way in which I could get even remotely excited about a silk scarf. I mean seriously, Paul must get up every morning and think, “Hey, how can I make myself that much more of a dumb ass today?”
Who the hell decided it was a good idea to form a trailer park beside Duffy? Seriously, can we not come up with a better system during renovations than moving the Biology Department into a mobile home? Now Schurman’s have decided to throw a bunch of trailers back there with ‘Private Property’ signs on the side. Private Property? Whose? Last time I checked Irving doesn’t own our campus. You know what, Mr. Irving Big Corporation Guy? You can’t just drop stuff on my campus and call it ‘Private Property’. And if you have a problem with that, you can move your G.D. trailer to wherever the hell you brought it from. If I want to walk up to your trailer, knock on the door, walk in and grab a cup of coffee, I will damnwell do so. And that folks, is my prerogative.
Have a good one!
But not all news is depressing here on P.E.I. Oh no, some of it is just downright stupid. Last week good old Binns decided to sue the federal government. Wonderful. Yeah I know, I was excited too, because we certainly have ample resources to waste on a lengthy legal battle with the federal government. Hey Binns! Were you not part of Mulroney’s federal government when they changed the law so that seiners could come that close anyway? Either way, regardless if you’re on the side of big business and the seiners or if you’re on the wharf getting your head bashed in by the Souris SWAT brigade, my guess is the herring will all be gone anyway by the time old Binnsy and the feds get their acts in gear anyway.
All points bulletin: a man robbed Swiss Chalet/Harvey’s last week with a knife. City Police have warned citizens to be on the look-out for the suspect. So head’s up everyone, we are looking for a man who was wearing “baggy pants with paint on them”. They could have been, and we don’t want to make any assumptions here, sweat pants. So you or anyone you know has pants that fit this description, contact Crime Stoppers immediately. Honestly, we know we don’t have the brightest cops on the block, but do they have to prove it every damn week? Paint covered sweat pants? Frig. A good 75% of my Dad’s clothing is covered in paint or dirt or grime of some kind. I mean I’ll ask him, but I’m pretty sure he didn’t hold up a restaurant last week.
On a list Popular Science released last week, it was stated that testing polluted water in Newfoundland’s St. John’s harbour is a bad job. No really? I love how scientists do these studies to tell us things like this. Newsflash! Drinking paint thinner can reduce brain cells. Attention! Shooting yourself in the head greatly reduces your life expectancy rate. They also rated the position of “Iraqi archaeologist” as one of the worst jobs in science. Idiots.
According to conflicting reports last week Yasser Arafat passed away, then lapsed in to a coma, made a full recovery and then died again. Officials do not now expect his condition to worsen. George W. Bush, in his typical statesman form, extended condolences to the Palestinian nation by telling the world that we are better off without him. Wow Dubya, I didn’t know you could be so sensitive. Sure, Arafat may have made some questionable moves and had some nasty habits, but it used to be you’d wait until the man was in the friggin ground before you start pissing on his grave.
Magic 93 has certainly classed up their prize give-aways. Where ordinary stations over across only give out like concert tickets or trips or something, now during Paul and Anne’s birthday trivia in the morning they give away, wait for it........silk scarves. Yes, I am not joking. Silk scarves. Is this supposed to make me want to stay tuned to listen to Clay Aiken all day? I mean unless I was Liberace (or I guess Clay Aiken), I see no way in which I could get even remotely excited about a silk scarf. I mean seriously, Paul must get up every morning and think, “Hey, how can I make myself that much more of a dumb ass today?”
Who the hell decided it was a good idea to form a trailer park beside Duffy? Seriously, can we not come up with a better system during renovations than moving the Biology Department into a mobile home? Now Schurman’s have decided to throw a bunch of trailers back there with ‘Private Property’ signs on the side. Private Property? Whose? Last time I checked Irving doesn’t own our campus. You know what, Mr. Irving Big Corporation Guy? You can’t just drop stuff on my campus and call it ‘Private Property’. And if you have a problem with that, you can move your G.D. trailer to wherever the hell you brought it from. If I want to walk up to your trailer, knock on the door, walk in and grab a cup of coffee, I will damnwell do so. And that folks, is my prerogative.
Have a good one!
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
...And now for something completely different: The Rants of a University Student (#15)
Well they've done it again. Americans have proven that there is no stereotyping when it comes to selecting a President of the United States. In fact, anyone can be re-elected nowadays, even if they're a total dumb ass with no concept of democratic rights and who wouldn't know a grammatically-correct sentence if it slapped him in the face.
Yes, my good friend Dubya has been re-instated as the commander and chief of the most powerful nation on the face of the earth. Does this not scare anyone else? Well yes, of course it does. Israel and Russia were the only countries looking forward to his re-election. Hmmm... I wonder why.
This is a man who in his first four years has thrown his military all over the world, destroyed the U.S. economy beyond recognition and who is partially responsible for the deaths of tens of thousands of people. The only thing different about this term is that this time he knows that he'll never have to face the electorate again. That's a comforting thought, isn't it? Well, the quasi-democratic federation of Russia thinks so.
Well, either way I guess it's four more years of this right-wing nutjob behind a huge-ass nuclear arsenal. Personally, I'm cheering for another pretzel.
Results aside, what the hell is wrong with that electoral system? Hint: When designing a voting system in any conventional democratic society, there should not have to be legal intervention every damn time there's an election. I mean come on, even Belarus couldn't screw it up this bad. There are 50 states and 50 voting systems, each with their own unique problems. Wonderful. Here's an idea. Forget punching cards and computerized voting and all that crap: mark an 'X'. People who cannot read and who cannot merge in traffic can even mark an 'X', hell, I bet even Bush could do that.
Downtown Charlottetown. Make it your own. Riiight. Here's an interesting note about downtown Charlottetown. Can someone tell me why the Confederation Court Mall closes at 5:30 on the weekend? I mean the Charlottetown Mall is bad enough with its' prostitots and teenage rent-a-cops and Shaun Desmond wannabes, but 5:30? Come on. And yes, I know, Charlottetown is a great place to raise your kids and grow a garden and blah blah blah, but if I don't happen to be one of the people that goes to bed at 7:30 on the weekend, then how the hell am I supposed "make Charlottetown my own"? Jerks. I know, I sang the praises of our fair city just a few weeks ago, but those commercials are driving me nuts. And don't get me started on those parking kiosks.
Usher, could you please tell me what the hell a Boo is? Because your damn song with Alicia Keys is driving me insane. The kind of insanity that sends me into random fits of rage while I'm driving. And Britney, do you even know what a "prerogative" is? Can you spell it? Yeah, didn't think so. Your prerogative is to shut the hell up. Pop quiz
Lloyd Banks: Spot the subordinate clause in this phrase: "...fresh out the gutter, too smooth to stutter, the cig a melt a brother like two scoops of butter." Forget that. What the hell does that mean?
Simple Plan is getting ridiculous with their frigging tortured soul ballads Honestly guys, what were these terribly traumatic events and oppressive obstacles that you had to overcome as four white guys growing up in the middle class suburbs of Montréal? Daddy wouldn't buy you a new car and you had to go to parties in a wood-paneled station wagon? Awwww, muffin. Magic 93 is killing me.
Well, other than the trailer park forming on campus-south and the random things that I choose to complain about, not all is bad here at UPEI, nor all across this great country of ours for that matter. We have one reason to thank for this, and that is the sacrifice of hundreds of thousands of Canadian soldiers who fought and gave their lives, and continue to do so on a daily basis, to ensure that out freedom and ideals are protected. So for all you punks that I overheard this week complaining that you didn't want to wear a poppy because it was "dirty" or because you didn't want to pierce a hole in your precious jacket, suck it up and show your appreciation for the men and women who gave up their right to enjoy their youth and to an education so that someday we would be able to partake in those same benefits.
Lest we forget.
Have a good one!
Yes, my good friend Dubya has been re-instated as the commander and chief of the most powerful nation on the face of the earth. Does this not scare anyone else? Well yes, of course it does. Israel and Russia were the only countries looking forward to his re-election. Hmmm... I wonder why.
This is a man who in his first four years has thrown his military all over the world, destroyed the U.S. economy beyond recognition and who is partially responsible for the deaths of tens of thousands of people. The only thing different about this term is that this time he knows that he'll never have to face the electorate again. That's a comforting thought, isn't it? Well, the quasi-democratic federation of Russia thinks so.
Well, either way I guess it's four more years of this right-wing nutjob behind a huge-ass nuclear arsenal. Personally, I'm cheering for another pretzel.
Results aside, what the hell is wrong with that electoral system? Hint: When designing a voting system in any conventional democratic society, there should not have to be legal intervention every damn time there's an election. I mean come on, even Belarus couldn't screw it up this bad. There are 50 states and 50 voting systems, each with their own unique problems. Wonderful. Here's an idea. Forget punching cards and computerized voting and all that crap: mark an 'X'. People who cannot read and who cannot merge in traffic can even mark an 'X', hell, I bet even Bush could do that.
Downtown Charlottetown. Make it your own. Riiight. Here's an interesting note about downtown Charlottetown. Can someone tell me why the Confederation Court Mall closes at 5:30 on the weekend? I mean the Charlottetown Mall is bad enough with its' prostitots and teenage rent-a-cops and Shaun Desmond wannabes, but 5:30? Come on. And yes, I know, Charlottetown is a great place to raise your kids and grow a garden and blah blah blah, but if I don't happen to be one of the people that goes to bed at 7:30 on the weekend, then how the hell am I supposed "make Charlottetown my own"? Jerks. I know, I sang the praises of our fair city just a few weeks ago, but those commercials are driving me nuts. And don't get me started on those parking kiosks.
Usher, could you please tell me what the hell a Boo is? Because your damn song with Alicia Keys is driving me insane. The kind of insanity that sends me into random fits of rage while I'm driving. And Britney, do you even know what a "prerogative" is? Can you spell it? Yeah, didn't think so. Your prerogative is to shut the hell up. Pop quiz
Lloyd Banks: Spot the subordinate clause in this phrase: "...fresh out the gutter, too smooth to stutter, the cig a melt a brother like two scoops of butter." Forget that. What the hell does that mean?
Simple Plan is getting ridiculous with their frigging tortured soul ballads Honestly guys, what were these terribly traumatic events and oppressive obstacles that you had to overcome as four white guys growing up in the middle class suburbs of Montréal? Daddy wouldn't buy you a new car and you had to go to parties in a wood-paneled station wagon? Awwww, muffin. Magic 93 is killing me.
Well, other than the trailer park forming on campus-south and the random things that I choose to complain about, not all is bad here at UPEI, nor all across this great country of ours for that matter. We have one reason to thank for this, and that is the sacrifice of hundreds of thousands of Canadian soldiers who fought and gave their lives, and continue to do so on a daily basis, to ensure that out freedom and ideals are protected. So for all you punks that I overheard this week complaining that you didn't want to wear a poppy because it was "dirty" or because you didn't want to pierce a hole in your precious jacket, suck it up and show your appreciation for the men and women who gave up their right to enjoy their youth and to an education so that someday we would be able to partake in those same benefits.
Lest we forget.
Have a good one!
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