Has anyone seen the Charlottetown Mall lately? What the hell is wrong with that place? Ahhhh. The Charlottetown Mall. Centre of commerce on our fair isle, our source of joy, or at least that of the Friday night mall rats. Proud home of the most dangerous and poorly planned parking lots in the history of mankind, and home to the biggest damn speed bumps ever. Ahwell. Guess I can’t take my Lambourgini to the mall anymore.
The ad for the mall announces that it is a "Unique Blend of Large and Small Shops." By "unique" they mean a suckass blend of stores. I’m not saying that the Singer Sewing Shop or Bass River Chairs are not important and integral parts of our community, but they’re pretty low on my list of priorities.
Take guys clothing for instance. Right now us guys have the choice of Winner’s or Sport Chek or Island Beach Company or I guess maybe Jack Fraser’s or Moore’s. All reputable establishments, if they have what you’re looking for. So that’s about it. Well, that and Zeller’s. Or Christopher’s I guess. No wait, that closed down. Or American Eagle, oh, but that’s in Moncton. And although Stitches does have some merit as a clothing store, it won’t quite complete your average guy’s wardrobe. Unless you happen to be Shawn Desmond. And what is it with bringing in stores like Miss Teen? As if there aren’t enough prostitots roaming the malls already. Well, them and the 13 year old boys that follow them around. You know, if Mall Admin. would pull their heads out of their asses for a few seconds, they might figure out that these aren’t the people who are spending money in their mall. Sure, Mommy might have given them a fiver before she dropped them off, but I think they could make a few more bucks if they hauled in a Roots or an American Eagle or a GAP or even an Old Navy. Call me crazy, or call me naive, but I think there are at least a few of us who would rather not drive to Moncton every time we want to buy some more clothes. As soon as the Charlottetown Mall realizes this, the better off they’d be, because sewing machines and hardwood chairs won’t placate me forever.
And while you’re at it, put some thought into some law enforcement for God’s sake. The rent-a-cops back in the day were bad enough, but at least they could exercise some authority over 10 year olds. Now they have some kid who, no joke, cannot be a day over 16. Maybe if you want some protection you should try someone who has actual authority, you know, like maybe someone who doesn’t still have a curfew. What’s he going to do if there is ever some real trouble? Whip out his flashlight? "Oh please sir! Don’t shine that in my eyes." I guess Mall Admin. realized that there’s not that much to protect in their so-called mall anyway.
Well, to follow a perfectly logical subject line, George W. Bush was in London this past week, amidst much protest and opposition to his actions in Iraq. This is the same man, some of you may remember this (psst, it was just last spring), that couldn’t wait to get ‘his boys’ (and girls) into Iraq to get all those ‘Weapons of Mass Destruction’ (that, for the record, don’t exist) and to hell with whoever or whatever ‘crazy’ international laws got in the way. Well, this past week, Dubya made another one of his great speeches, and I thought some of what he said was kind of interesting. In this speech he stated that "America is a peace-loving nation, and has always gone to war reluctantly." This came as a complete surprise to the 6 or 7 million dead people who have been killed by US foreign policy over the past 40 years. But we can’t blame old Dubya. It’s not like he writes his own speeches anyway.
So the Barenaked Ladies have a new album and single. Another Postcard? How about another shut the hell up? This new attempt at being quirky is, in my humble opinion, total crap. Chimpanzees are stupid, postcards are stupid and this song is stupid. I’m sorry, but it is.
And can they please start paying John Bob what’s-his-face what he deserves so that he can get back to painting sets or jumping out of cars or whatever it is that he does and so that he will stop having to make those stupid ads about how much of an asshole I am for pirating movies? Hey! I don’t even pirate movies! And I just spent about three hundred bucks for a damn movie ticket, so leave me the hell alone. I’m sure you could find some spare change out of the billions and billions of dollars your studios make every year. Maybe give that to John Bob. OR, maybe you could use all the money it took to make these stupid ads and give THAT to your underpaid workers. Stop punishing the people who come to see your movies. That way everyone wins, John Bob can feed his family, I can get right to the movie I paid to see, and you CEOs can get back to making your millions of dollars every year.
Tsk, tsk, tsk, Michael Jackson. He’s bad, he’s bad. He’s really really bad. And unless he pays off his accusers again, he’s off to some federal penitentiary for a few years. I wonder how his feminine side will like federal prisons? Well, what do they say about the long arm of the law? It doesn’t matter if your black or white? Or in his case, both.
Have a good one!
Monday, November 24, 2003
Monday, November 17, 2003
...And now for something completely different: The Rants of a University Student (#01)
I have no qualms about renewable energy programs on PEI. Hurricane Juan made me realize that I am a big fan of electricity, and the cheap stuff isn’t bad either. But what is it with Binn’s plans for it? Natural gas generating plants? Last time we checked, we don’t have any natural gas. A multi-million dollar pipeline? Cool. But why didn’t we sign on when it was a much more affordable prospect? And wind farms? Come on now. Everyone knows that if you’re looking for a place to harness wind energy on P.E.I., the windswept campus of UPEI is the place to do it, not Malpeque. (As a popular university joke once put it: Q: Why is it so windy in Charlottetown? A: Because UPEI blows.) Just chalk it up as another poorly planned provincial government endeavour.
Speaking of systems that don’t make any sense, I have a bit of trouble understanding this parking system here at UPEI. A few years back it was decided by administration that us students have way too much freedom just parking in any old parking lot on campus. It was decided we should pay $50 for the privilege of parking in parking lots that we basically pay for. But what would all this money for parking passes pay for? Because, you know, we could always use the extra fifty bucks for essentials, like for drinking or something, or perhaps for more trivial items such as, oh, I don’t know...books maybe? But, as it turns out, our money is going to pay for our wonderful security personnel to drive around in their cute little mini van and pass out parking tickets for violations. And why not eh? Us university students have tons of money. $50? That’s nothing on top of our $5000 tuition. Pocket change. We love the brisk walks from the annals of the earth behind C.C. or KCI to our classes in Duffy or Main when it’s -40 degrees. And towing our cars us for little or no reason is perfectly ok too. Why not sell passes to parking spaces that don’t exist? As long as we have the peace of mind in knowing that our hard-earned money is going somewhere important, namely, to protect our beloved security staff from the elements as they punish other students and to pay for their gas to make half a dozen trips to Tim Horton’s everyday. God forbid they crack down on real crime.
I was told last week by a professor that once upon a time that our great university had free parking. I didn’t believe that. Being a naive second year student, I didn’t experience the "crazy days" of the late nineties here on campus. The days of the Drink-the-Barn-Dry when crazy radical ideas like free parking were swirling around. Back in the day, I was told, we didn’t pay for the privilege of having a van on our ass all day trying to penalize us for parking wrong or telling us to "Move along." But those days are gone. Free and unrestricted parking? Nahhhh. That would never catch on.
I also love how all the computers work in the all of the computer labs here on campus. Oh damn. I must’ve been thinking of that other university again. The one that isn’t stuck somewhere in 1993.
Could I please have a show of hands of how many people would like to beat the snot out of whoever came up with those "I’m lovin’ it" MacDonald’s commercials? Seriously, what the hell does some old guy in leopard underpants and exploding amplifiers have to do with hamburgers and fries? Quite a lot, apparently. And Justin Timberlake. Has he finally sold his soul to the MacDonald’s empire? Whatever happened to N*Sync teaming up with Burger King? Damn you Justin. Damn you. You’ve ruined the integrity of the pop music world forever.
Has anyone else seen this MacQueen’s Bike Shop new fitness program entitled "Sweat Shop"? That doesn’t seem like a bit of insensitivity on their part does it? I guess it’s not like children in foreign countries are forced to produce some of their products. No wait...it is. Good call MacQueen’s.
Welcome to the PEI SWAT team! It’s about time we had a force to stand up to that fishing mob that is always trying to bring in their ‘crazy’ ideas to preserve fish stocks. Now I realize that the police were brought in to serve a court order. But 100 RCMP docked out in riot gear? With 9mm rifles? You gotta love PEI.
Sources inform me that Sarah Fraser has been cut from the cast of Canada Now and will be leaving her anchoring duties later on this month. You know, I hate to see her go, but I always had a hard time figuring out if she had any idea what she was talking about ever since they reported on the Cass Rhynes case: "he communicated with them over some sort of internet system called ‘MSN’." No more ignorance at the cost of journalistic integrity? It just breaks my heart.
Poor Mike Keenan, fired this week from the head coaching position for the Florida Panthers. Why the hell does south Florida have a hockey team anyway? Personally, I don’t really think Keenan was their problem anyway. Their problem is that their GM is a moron. As a side note, the Florida Panthers were shut out in their first game without Keenan. I say: good job getting to the source of your problem. Idiots. Farewell Mike. See you in Washington?
And finally, happy retirement to the big man in Ottawa, Jean Chretien. For the past ten years, the little guy from Shawinigan has warmed our hearts, made us laugh or maybe cry and emptied our pockets along the way. But, all in all, he didn’t do that bad of a job of running this great country of ours. And while Dubya was choking on pretzels south of the border, our good old Jean was choking his own protesters. Then there’s his wife, Aline, who, when an intruder broke into the Prime Ministerial fortress at 24 Sussex Drive, was poised with an inuit statue, ready to beat the shit out of whatever or whomever came barging through the door. Truly a first family that we can be proud of.
Well, I guess my time is up, as the library is performing its ultra-professional method of telling people that they are closing; by flicking on and off the lights. I better get out of here before Mr. Security gets here and tells me to move along.
Have a good one!
Speaking of systems that don’t make any sense, I have a bit of trouble understanding this parking system here at UPEI. A few years back it was decided by administration that us students have way too much freedom just parking in any old parking lot on campus. It was decided we should pay $50 for the privilege of parking in parking lots that we basically pay for. But what would all this money for parking passes pay for? Because, you know, we could always use the extra fifty bucks for essentials, like for drinking or something, or perhaps for more trivial items such as, oh, I don’t know...books maybe? But, as it turns out, our money is going to pay for our wonderful security personnel to drive around in their cute little mini van and pass out parking tickets for violations. And why not eh? Us university students have tons of money. $50? That’s nothing on top of our $5000 tuition. Pocket change. We love the brisk walks from the annals of the earth behind C.C. or KCI to our classes in Duffy or Main when it’s -40 degrees. And towing our cars us for little or no reason is perfectly ok too. Why not sell passes to parking spaces that don’t exist? As long as we have the peace of mind in knowing that our hard-earned money is going somewhere important, namely, to protect our beloved security staff from the elements as they punish other students and to pay for their gas to make half a dozen trips to Tim Horton’s everyday. God forbid they crack down on real crime.
I was told last week by a professor that once upon a time that our great university had free parking. I didn’t believe that. Being a naive second year student, I didn’t experience the "crazy days" of the late nineties here on campus. The days of the Drink-the-Barn-Dry when crazy radical ideas like free parking were swirling around. Back in the day, I was told, we didn’t pay for the privilege of having a van on our ass all day trying to penalize us for parking wrong or telling us to "Move along." But those days are gone. Free and unrestricted parking? Nahhhh. That would never catch on.
I also love how all the computers work in the all of the computer labs here on campus. Oh damn. I must’ve been thinking of that other university again. The one that isn’t stuck somewhere in 1993.
Could I please have a show of hands of how many people would like to beat the snot out of whoever came up with those "I’m lovin’ it" MacDonald’s commercials? Seriously, what the hell does some old guy in leopard underpants and exploding amplifiers have to do with hamburgers and fries? Quite a lot, apparently. And Justin Timberlake. Has he finally sold his soul to the MacDonald’s empire? Whatever happened to N*Sync teaming up with Burger King? Damn you Justin. Damn you. You’ve ruined the integrity of the pop music world forever.
Has anyone else seen this MacQueen’s Bike Shop new fitness program entitled "Sweat Shop"? That doesn’t seem like a bit of insensitivity on their part does it? I guess it’s not like children in foreign countries are forced to produce some of their products. No wait...it is. Good call MacQueen’s.
Welcome to the PEI SWAT team! It’s about time we had a force to stand up to that fishing mob that is always trying to bring in their ‘crazy’ ideas to preserve fish stocks. Now I realize that the police were brought in to serve a court order. But 100 RCMP docked out in riot gear? With 9mm rifles? You gotta love PEI.
Sources inform me that Sarah Fraser has been cut from the cast of Canada Now and will be leaving her anchoring duties later on this month. You know, I hate to see her go, but I always had a hard time figuring out if she had any idea what she was talking about ever since they reported on the Cass Rhynes case: "he communicated with them over some sort of internet system called ‘MSN’." No more ignorance at the cost of journalistic integrity? It just breaks my heart.
Poor Mike Keenan, fired this week from the head coaching position for the Florida Panthers. Why the hell does south Florida have a hockey team anyway? Personally, I don’t really think Keenan was their problem anyway. Their problem is that their GM is a moron. As a side note, the Florida Panthers were shut out in their first game without Keenan. I say: good job getting to the source of your problem. Idiots. Farewell Mike. See you in Washington?
And finally, happy retirement to the big man in Ottawa, Jean Chretien. For the past ten years, the little guy from Shawinigan has warmed our hearts, made us laugh or maybe cry and emptied our pockets along the way. But, all in all, he didn’t do that bad of a job of running this great country of ours. And while Dubya was choking on pretzels south of the border, our good old Jean was choking his own protesters. Then there’s his wife, Aline, who, when an intruder broke into the Prime Ministerial fortress at 24 Sussex Drive, was poised with an inuit statue, ready to beat the shit out of whatever or whomever came barging through the door. Truly a first family that we can be proud of.
Well, I guess my time is up, as the library is performing its ultra-professional method of telling people that they are closing; by flicking on and off the lights. I better get out of here before Mr. Security gets here and tells me to move along.
Have a good one!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)