Justin and Janet. How could you? Geez. Destroying the cultural event of the year and ruining the integrity of the U.S. entertainment business. Jerks. Just when do the cops plan on arresting them for that stunt? Like, I can see them keeping Janet out of prison just so she doesn’t get in any brawls with her brother, but I’m pretty sure that if I went around ripping off women’s clothing, I’d be off to Sleepy Hollow for at least awhile. Personally, I still think that Timberlake should be thrown in prison for those stupid MacDonald’s commercials that he made. But I guess I can also see their side of it. If it gets to the point that the U.S. is pushed to ban famous people from going around ripping off each other’s clothing in public, then they’re just letting the terrorists win.
Is it normal for someone not to like any of the songs on the top 9 at 9? Or am I even supposed to be listening to that stuff anymore? No, Clay, I don’t care if you’re invisible or not, you cannot watch me in my room. I’m only doing homework anyway. Surely with the power to be imperceptible to the human eye you could find something a bit more exciting to do. Actually, if you’re going invisible, why not go the whole nine yards and become inaudible too. The tone deaf man that you can’t see or hear. That’s my kind of Clay Aiken.
And Chingy, you cannot just make up words because they rhyme. ‘Right Thurr’? Kind of reminds me of Nelly’s ‘Hot in Herre.’ It’s just a coincidence you toured with him last summer right? Sample Dat Ass? How about sample a dialect that humans can relate to? But who am I to judge, I have an impeccable vocabulary and you don’t see me hauling in millions of dollars. I guess being incomprehensible is what’s hot at the moment. Fo shizzie?
And movies. Sigh. ‘You Got Served’? I cannot await the cinematic brilliance and invigorating plot that can only come from such an obviously well-thought out concept. ‘Bring It On Again'? Yeah, like the first one wasn’t bad enough.
U.S. President George W. Bush and British Prime Minister Tony Blair were nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize last week. Oops. I thought peace was when you didn’t drop bombs on other countries. My mistake. And now Bush and Blair are bewildered as to where the weapons of mass destruction are. That’s right, 9 months before a U.S. election, Old George and Tony decide that they better come up with an excuse for causing the deaths of 8,000 human beings.
I’m sorry, but I cannot stand NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman. Who was it that decided that some short dumb ass guy who’s never played in the league should be the head of the whole organization? And now, with the end of the player’s collective bargaining agreement bearing down on us, he decides that a salary cap is unnecessary. You’re right Gary. Let’s keep on pouring the millions out while small-market teams can barely afford to stay afloat. Jaromir Jagr’s contract alone, that sent him to join Captain Concussion and his overpaid mercenaries, totals $77 million over 7 years. (That’s $11 million a year for all you Arts students.) Does no one else think this is ridiculous? I’m sure that most players could manage to get by on a meager $2 or 3 million salary. Especially since the most that any of us that graduate will earn will be somewhere between $200,000 a year for saving lives, to $6.75 an hour for flipping burgers. The way I see it, if you’re going to go through all this trouble, you might as well insist on a salary cap because if you don’t, Mr. Bettman could lead the league straight into bankruptcy. I don’t think the players really have much of a right to complain about getting a few million for playing a game 9 months of the year. It’s better than not having a league to play in at all. So get your act together Gary, otherwise, the 2004 Champion Toronto Maple Leafs could end up being the last team to ever hoist the cup.
Have a good one!
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
...And now for something completely different: The Rants of a University Student (#04)
First things first. This week marks the 51st anniversary of the introduction of vitamin-enriched white bread to the Canadian market. Well now. Doesn’t that just call for a Bud Light. It was announced last week that North Korea had entered an agreement under which they would begin to share missile technology with Nigeria. I don’t know what everyone is freaking out about. Who cares if yet another volatile country with a lot of built-up angst and an unstable government has possession of nuclear arms? My fears were laid to rest when they promised to use them only for peace-keeping. Oh those wacky communists.
It also became public last week that many Canadian Forces militia groups across the country had run out of bullets. Great. So we’ve got like ten guys left in the reserves, the few subs that we do have don’t work, our rescue helicopters fall out of the sky and now we don’t have any bullets. Geez. We better pray we don’t piss off the Nigerians.
I don’t know what it is about drivers on this island, but there seems to be about, oh, I don’t know, four or five who actually know how to operate a motor vehicle. And I’m one of them. So I don’t know who the other three of you are, but I cannot stand being on the streets of Charlottetown with the other 32,000 lunatics. You’d think a city as small as Charlottetown would take advantage of its size and build a system that allows for the efficient flow of traffic. But no. There are four inadequately sized arteries leading in and out of the city, and each has about 562 sets of traffic lights, none of which change at random and fail to follow any sensible method, allowing cars that are unable to stop in the .2 seconds allotted, to smash into each other. At least no one gets hurt, seeing as no one goes over 12 kph anyway.
You’d also think that the daily commute of thousands of workers and students in and around Charlottetown would warrant the formulation of a mass-transit system. But again, no. The politicians keep talking, we keep walking and PEI continues to make no sense.
And the damn bypass. First of all, it is not a bypass. See, and I hope whoever built the bypass is reading this, the purpose of a bypass is to BYPASS a city, not to stop at nine separate sets of lights between Hillsborough and Maypoint. Of course, had they built a proper arterial highway with overpasses and merge lanes, we’d probably all be dead anyway, because no one else on the island knows how to merge either. (The exit from UPEI onto the Ave. is a good indication of this. Hint: Good merge lanes do not end with stop signs.)
Our incredibly idiotic roadway etiquette becomes even worse in the winter. It’s like we’ve never seen white stuff falling from the sky before and so we must act totally irrationally and swerve our vehicles into on-coming traffic at top speed. But that’s ok. Because it seems that someone forgot to tell the plows that they’re actually supposed to plow snow of the streets when it starts snowing. "Oh ok. We’ll get to it eventually." And they do. At three o’clock in the morning. See, while randomly pushing snow around the middle of the street with the loudest equipment known to mankind, they want to ensure that no one is afforded the benefit of sleep so that we can get back to driving like idiots again in the morning.
A study released out of Montreal, Quebec this week announced that spending money on the prevention and treatment cancer actually saves lives. Really? So all that effort put into preventative medicine and chemo-therapy wasn’t just for fun? Wow. I applaud studies like this, aimed at answering these questions that vex us daily. In fact, I think that I should be given a million-dollar government grant so that I can study how not being shot in the head greatly increases your life expectancy. Honestly. If they keep doing studies like this, forget separation, we’ll just kick Quebec out for being so damn stupid.
The Conservative leadership race recently welcomed a new candidate, as rich business owner Belinda Stronach decided to add her name to the ballot. Stronach has little to no political experience as well as a strong background in inheriting Daddy’s money, and in not making a whole lot of sense when she talks. So you want me to choose someone like that to become Prime Minister someday? This isn’t the US you know.
Congratulations to the Patriots for their victory at the XXXVIII Superbowl. But to be honest, I’m not that much into the "big game". As my good friend Neal put it: "I stopped watching baseball when Wayne Gretzky retired."
Happy Groundhog Day.
Have a good one!
It also became public last week that many Canadian Forces militia groups across the country had run out of bullets. Great. So we’ve got like ten guys left in the reserves, the few subs that we do have don’t work, our rescue helicopters fall out of the sky and now we don’t have any bullets. Geez. We better pray we don’t piss off the Nigerians.
I don’t know what it is about drivers on this island, but there seems to be about, oh, I don’t know, four or five who actually know how to operate a motor vehicle. And I’m one of them. So I don’t know who the other three of you are, but I cannot stand being on the streets of Charlottetown with the other 32,000 lunatics. You’d think a city as small as Charlottetown would take advantage of its size and build a system that allows for the efficient flow of traffic. But no. There are four inadequately sized arteries leading in and out of the city, and each has about 562 sets of traffic lights, none of which change at random and fail to follow any sensible method, allowing cars that are unable to stop in the .2 seconds allotted, to smash into each other. At least no one gets hurt, seeing as no one goes over 12 kph anyway.
You’d also think that the daily commute of thousands of workers and students in and around Charlottetown would warrant the formulation of a mass-transit system. But again, no. The politicians keep talking, we keep walking and PEI continues to make no sense.
And the damn bypass. First of all, it is not a bypass. See, and I hope whoever built the bypass is reading this, the purpose of a bypass is to BYPASS a city, not to stop at nine separate sets of lights between Hillsborough and Maypoint. Of course, had they built a proper arterial highway with overpasses and merge lanes, we’d probably all be dead anyway, because no one else on the island knows how to merge either. (The exit from UPEI onto the Ave. is a good indication of this. Hint: Good merge lanes do not end with stop signs.)
Our incredibly idiotic roadway etiquette becomes even worse in the winter. It’s like we’ve never seen white stuff falling from the sky before and so we must act totally irrationally and swerve our vehicles into on-coming traffic at top speed. But that’s ok. Because it seems that someone forgot to tell the plows that they’re actually supposed to plow snow of the streets when it starts snowing. "Oh ok. We’ll get to it eventually." And they do. At three o’clock in the morning. See, while randomly pushing snow around the middle of the street with the loudest equipment known to mankind, they want to ensure that no one is afforded the benefit of sleep so that we can get back to driving like idiots again in the morning.
A study released out of Montreal, Quebec this week announced that spending money on the prevention and treatment cancer actually saves lives. Really? So all that effort put into preventative medicine and chemo-therapy wasn’t just for fun? Wow. I applaud studies like this, aimed at answering these questions that vex us daily. In fact, I think that I should be given a million-dollar government grant so that I can study how not being shot in the head greatly increases your life expectancy. Honestly. If they keep doing studies like this, forget separation, we’ll just kick Quebec out for being so damn stupid.
The Conservative leadership race recently welcomed a new candidate, as rich business owner Belinda Stronach decided to add her name to the ballot. Stronach has little to no political experience as well as a strong background in inheriting Daddy’s money, and in not making a whole lot of sense when she talks. So you want me to choose someone like that to become Prime Minister someday? This isn’t the US you know.
Congratulations to the Patriots for their victory at the XXXVIII Superbowl. But to be honest, I’m not that much into the "big game". As my good friend Neal put it: "I stopped watching baseball when Wayne Gretzky retired."
Happy Groundhog Day.
Have a good one!
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