Well student loans are back in season and once again and university students are being told, among other things, that they make way too much money. Riiight. Tuition has quadrupled in the last decade and students are trying to get more money to pay for it? Damned students. Yes, you’re right, we students are dirty little monsters hoarding our piles of part-time employment money under our beds while we throw away their precious loans on any filthy pleasure that strikes our fancy, like food. God forbid. Since when is living near the poverty line “too much money?”
The seemingly impossible occurred this past week when UPEI Administration decided to cancel classes at UPEI first thing in the morning. Weird. It is usually customary to wait until everyone is at school already, and THEN cancel classes so that students will be able to experience driving in the worst possible conditions. There is a rumour on campus that in the event of the impending apocalypse, the cancellation announcements on Magic 93 would sound something like this: Paul Allen: (in his infinite wisdom) “The world has come to and end…Classes will continue as scheduled at UPEI.”
I was shocked to hear, that last week, for the first time in human history, that the Eastern School District was closed for the day while the Western District remained open. Back in my day I recall trudging through driving snow, following behind ploughs, even having the bus ditched once or twice, but we never just up and cancelled school for no damn reason. Meanwhile, over in the Western District, anything more than a slight breeze blowing the Canadian flag above TOSH would incite the declaration of a disaster area and close the entire Western District for days on end. Times have changed I guess. Take THAT Westisle. Punks.
Once again the British Royal family has shown that they are way ahead of the intellectual curve, as Prince Harry decided it would be a fantastic idea to dress up as a Nazi for a costume party. Good one Harry. Pursuant to his actions, the European Union is now considering banning Nazi symbols. What? Already? You think you’d give them a chance to redeem themselves. Or, and this is just a suggestion here, maybe they could’ve banned them back when the Nazis were tearing across Europe and systematically murdering 8 million people. But I mean, come on, that was 60 years ago right? I guess Prince Harry thinks we should just get over it already. Dumbass.
Well those in the upper echelons of the Bush administration celebrated their extended four years in the White House last week, re-iterating their lofty ideals of world peace and democracy by announcing that “America stands with the oppressed people on every continent, in Cuba and Burma and North Korea and Iran, and Zimbabwe.” Although Bush mentioned ‘every continent’ it is yet unclear what oppressed people he was talking about in North America. It is assumed he was not referring to the poverty stricken and destitute Americans who are still suffering from his first term in office. In his speech during his $40 million inauguration last Thursday, he also stated that “All those who live in tyranny and hopelessness can know: The United States will not ignore your oppression, or excuse your oppressors. When you stand for liberty, we stand with you.” Given the deaths of 100,000 Iraqi civilians since the beginning of “Operation Enduring Freedom,” the “oppressed” of the world are beginning to wonder if they really want the Americans standing with them. Never before has freedom been so aggressively forced on the “unfree” of the world.
Finally, Charlottetown City Council passed a resolution last week stating that the NHL and the NHLPA should get back to the bargaining table to resolve the current lockout. Oh no! Not the incredible power of the Charlottetown City Council! I can just imagine the meetings called after word reached both sides of the disputing factions, with Gary Bettman and Bob Goodenow wringing their hands in despair. “Oh no! We’ve pissed off Charlottetown,” and “Seeing as Charlottetown City Council has so much bearing on world events we’d better do what they say!” What can only be assumed to be a direct result of the Council meeting, negotiations re-opened soon after. Following this success, Charlottetown City Council now intends to tackle the issues of global terrorism and nuclear arms proliferation.
Have a good one!
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